Trip Back Home 2024. Age 24.

I am back home in Seoul for the first time in four years.

Last time I was here, COVID-19 was running rampant across the world. It really was a crazy time; I wore a mask and a face shield for the entire14-hr flight, and didn't take them off once, not even to eat, as instructed by mother. I spent two of my four weeks here in quarantine, and even after that, strict restrictions meant that I couldn't do much outside of spending time with family.

Back then, I was a college student little financial flexibility or sense of adult independence. I think the worst moment was taking a 4-hour exam on my birthday, alone in my room during quarantine. That was my 21st.

This time it's different. The world is back to normal (for the most part), and I am older, wiser, and more comfortable in my own skin. Therapy, some extra cash, and life experiences have taught me what I enjoy and what I don't. A recent breakup has catapulted my self discovery and growth journey, and I no longer feel any resentment toward my family.

Loving myself, being comfortable with myself, and being compassionate to myself has made it easier to offer the same things to those around me. Who knew?

Stepping out of the airport taking in a breath of the crisp, fall evening air, I knew I was home. Sliding into my parents' old Hyundai with its faint smell of potting soil and kimchi, I knew I was home.

Something I am realizing is that living abroad alone from a young age, in my formative years, has been a lot more difficult than I had realized. Being home again, I feel a sense of security, love, and peace that I haven't felt in a long long time.

Sometimes, you don't realize how much you've missed something until you have it back; just like how you often don't realize how much you loved something until it's gone.

A friend of mine recently told me that I'm in my "main character arc", a statement that came after a long, tearful phone call about how hard things have been. I think they're right; a character arc is often born from difficult, transformative times.

My early twenties have given me amazing memories and joy, but they've also been tough, much like puberty once was. Puberty left me with a wonky voice, acne scars and a poor posture; early adulthood seems to be leaving me with more subtle, less visible scars -- insecurities, doubts, and anxiety. I'm sure I will get over them too, just as I grew out of my puberty into the beautiful person that I am now.

Being back home has been so grounding. I'd almost forgotten how much I loved my city -- my OG stomping ground. It's changed so much since I was a kid, yet some things stayed so still.

I am looking forward to the next four weeks.